loving motherhood in those in-the-middle moments, too

I'm busy. I'm a homeschooling mama with big dreams and ideas and a fairly large number of children in our family. My days are busy, I'm often spread thin, and if I succeed at a dozen things in one day, then I feel like I also fail at another dozen, too. Mothering is hard, yet motherhood is amazing. It's such an honor, a wonderful, wonderful thing, and when I get over my stresses and silly worries and obsession with trying to be organized and have a perfectly uncluttered home and neatly groomed children, I find peace in the notion that I am doing exactly what I want to be doing everyday, what I have chosen to do. In those moments when I get over my stress, I'm thankful for my children, and I call myself crazy for wanting to do more and more things that are all about me and less about us. But you know what? These shining little moments of clarity in my walk as a mother often come in the super sweet and wonderfully fun moments of life. OR I have found myself finding clarity and a renewed sense of purpose in my role as a mother during the sadder moments of life, or the more worrisome or heartbreaking or challenging ones. The highs and lows of life teach me so much, and I think I'm not alone in saying this.

When my kids came down with the flu a few years ago, and I rocked them to sleep while they struggled to find rest, I wanted nothing more than to be there for them in all of their moments. If they could just get over their fevers, then I would be more thankful for their health than I ever had been before. And then there was the time my baby had that terrible cough with that awful whooping sound. As I stayed up with him through his coughing spasms and waited for him to catch his breath, I knew there was no where else I would rather be. I knew that all of the silly pressures and deadlines and minor disappointments in my life didn't matter as much as the sweet baby in my arms. If he could just get better. If he could just catch his breath and clear his lungs and get better, then I would be a better mother. I would quit getting annoyed with whiny kids, and instead, show them how to express themselves by being patient and kind myself. I would quit complaining about never getting me time, and instead delight in the fact that I have sweet little children to read bedtime stories to. And there was the time I miscarried a sweet little life. That little life changed me as a mother in such a huge, immeasurable way. I became a more patient, loving, dedicated, and thankful mother while carrying that sweet baby. I tried to stop taking so many things for granted as I struggled to hold on and keep up hope. I loved carrying that little life, and when I lost that baby and looked at that tiny little body, I knew life was amazing, and I would not take motherhood for granted one more day.

But I was wrong. I did take it for granted - motherhood, my children, life, everything. Because weeks and then months passed by after that tragedy. Life got normal again, things became happy and routine, and then I got tired, and the kids got loud and tired and fussy one day, and they took all of the board games out of our organized closet and scattered all of the pieces to all of the games on the floor, and I wanted to send them to bed at 3 in the afternoon, while I put on a grown up movie and forgot about all the chaos a while. I wanted to throw all of their games away, and I wondered what my life would be if I spent more time writing and less time mothering. But I knew the answer. I knew my life wouldn't be what I wanted it to be, or what my kids would want it to be. In my present daily life, there are no unnecessary moments that I want to trade in for more me time. I am their teacher. I am their nurturer. I am the one who is here for them, and even though it is trying at times, it is wonderful. I am not always good at doing this. I can lose my patience. I can misunderstand them. I often find myself exhausted and frustrated and ordering a pizza when I just don't want to prepare and clean up after another organic, healthy meal. But then I remember what it felt like to look down at the little body of the baby I lost. I remember that in that moment I felt such pain, but also such love, and I try my best to hold on to that love and share it with the parts of my family I have here with me.

math is a total in-the-middle moment for me...
definitely not a highlight of my day

And it is pretty simple to share overflowing love with my family during the really great times, not just the really tragic ones. I sometimes find myself sitting in my living room in front of the fire, reading to my kids and then just stopping and thinking, "This is it. This is what I want to be doing more than anything else." But when the coziness of those moments pass, I'm not so great at feeling content in the mundane moments - those moments when nothing tragic is happening, but also nothing especially great is happening, like during breakfast or while washing dishes or while working on a math lesson with one of my kids. And that's a little sad to me, because those mundane in-the-middle moments are really the moments that make up most of my life. I want to be thankful and content in those in-the-middle moments. I want those moments to be fulfilling, too. I want to see God in those moments, and I want to serve Him there. I want to love my kids in those moments and to not spend those moments wishing I were doing something different or worrying about what might come next that isn't so in-the-middle. I'll continue to enjoy and love special days with the kids, and I know there are probably going to be many lessons to learn over the years from trying times, but I'm hoping to love life and learn from it at other times, too. I want to be better at that. Is that totally unrealistic - to love life and learn from it at 7 in the morning when I just finished cleaning the kitchen that I didn't clean the night before and the kids are all hoping for muffins for breakfast when I was hoping they'd want some fruit and yogurt, so I could save some time and dishes and then maybe use that time to wash my hair or drink some coffee in semi-peace?

Maybe it is unrealistic, but I've never been much for setting realistic goals anyway.

(And just to be clear: I'm all for a little mama time-out and quiet coffee time, and I'm certainly all for carving out writing time and piano playing time and whatever kind of time a mama like myself is passionate about. I'm just saying I don't want to always be wanting more and more and more time just for me at the expense of the kids' little hearts and minds. I don't want them to grow up with a stressed out mom who only appreciates them and cuddles with them and tells them an extra story when they are sick or sad or when times are tough. I want them to feel like I love spending my days with them, because, really, I do.
That said,  I love my coffee and a quiet spot. So much.)

Why Creative Writing?...

The first creative writing course I took (that I can recall...) was in college. I always wrote on my own and did exercises here and there and knew I wanted to write since preschool, but creative writing is often just a thing for adults. After getting my masters in Creative Writing and entering the world of writers and courses and teaching writing courses, I've come across and taught courses for adults. That's a pretty popular thing, adults and creative writing courses. But not as much so for kids. Why not spend more time helping these young imagination superstars write creatively, too?



We love classical education . We love it, and we use it in our homeschool, which means we are deep in the world of memorizing and facts and doing things in an ordered and exact way in many areas of education, so I think the choice to include creative writing in our kids' education might seem a little surprising to anyone out there who knows we are classically educating our kiddos. So, why are we choosing to encourage our kids to write creatively in a home that is full of grammar (grammar as in memory work, not how we speak...)? Well, it's simple; because kids are sponges who soak up an unspeakable amount of info every single day, yet they are also imagination superstars, and I want them to learn to work with both of these sides before they grow up to be more serious versions of themselves called grown-ups. Anyone who listens to a child's dreams or sits and watches her children put on a play in the living room or who listens to her child's request for a meal of all his favorite things mixed together knows that children have great imaginations, which means children have some stories to tell. So I say this: let them tell the stories, and help them to tell them in their own way and in their own time and in their own fantastical style. There will be time for restating questions, word count, spell check, and working around a rubric later - lots and lots and lots of time for that. But for now, I want to be there with a sheet of paper and a midnight blue colored pencil when a daughter has a story in her mind, and I want to sit down with her (if she wants company) and encourage her to put those ideas down on paper, so that she can share her mind with the world or with her family or just with herself. I want her to learn that her imaginings are valuable, something to be recorded and saved, and then I want to show her that they can be crafted into something amazing. I challenge all of the teachers and parents (including and especially myself!) to keep on teaching, but to also take a step back now and again and let the kids lead us to their own world, a place they make up, and to help them show that place on paper. Sometimes that will mean we are simply the person who answers the "how do you spell...." questions over and over again as the kids write, and sometimes that means we say, "if you can't write your story quickly enough for your mind, then tell it to me, and I'll write it down for you", and other times that means we silently support them from the other side of the room and watch greatness happen. And then there are times when we say, "If you don't know what to write, then how about you start with....".

It's a pretty cool thing to let a little creative writer take the lead, even if she doesn't think she is a writer and doesn't want to be one. Give it a try, and take away some of the rules. Sometimes a kid who doesn't want to write is actually a kid who doesn't want to write what he is being told to write or where he is being told to write it. 

The first exercise in the writing workbook my brother and I created focuses on finding a good writing spot. A change of scenery can sometimes make all the difference. Move out of the classroom, or stay in the classroom and sit under the desk. Let your kid write where it works for them (within reason of course!...).

...another favorite writing spot

One favorite writing spot in our home

What I'm saying here is this: I can't think of a reason to make kids wait for high school or even college to write creatively. Yes, there are rules for good writing and those should be followed, but first and foremost, let's encourage our young imagination superstars to create something of their own on paper with words. Maybe they will one day be a world changing writer, and maybe they will never really love writing. But the experience of being encouraged to write creatively can help kids feel valued and teach them to express themselves and can even help them find a love of other art forms and aspects of life. Clearly, I'm excited about this, but writing with kids is just SO MUCH FUN.

Give a kid a blank page, and watch them go.

My brother and I have just released our first creative writing workbook into the world. This is the first workbook in a series of workbooks designed to get kids writing creatively, as in writing down something in an imaginative way, a way that is all their own and that is more about how they are writing than what they are writing. The three follow-up workbooks will all have lined pages, BUT the first workbook, titled Write Something. a course in creative writing for kids, includes twenty-six writing inspirations for kids, and absolutely NO LINED PAGES. I know that sounds like crazy talk, and believe me, we put a lot, lot, lot of thought into this decision. I have kids, and I kind of remember being a kid, and I KNOW that pages without lines often lead to drooping lines and sometimes even frustration, BUT I also know that a fresh, white sheet of unlined paper also leads to greatness...because when a kid has the freedom to use the paper as they wish, they often go a little deeper into their imagination. They often let themselves write a story in the shape of a house, or draw a masterpiece right in the middle of a fantastic sentence, and they often feel more ownership of their story, of their work of art, because they were free to decide just what to do with the paper and how to do it. And ya know, there can be something a little intimidating (or a lot intimidating) about a page full of lines, especially to a brand new writer (and I mean a new creative writer as well as a person to whom handWRITING is even new). The lines can seem to stand there staring back at you, saying, "You sure have a lot of lines to fill up on this page." And it can be an awful thing to some writers (uh....me....) to have a finished story, sitting there on the page with empty lines following it. That just seems wrong, ya know. OR, for those future novelists out there, lines can be frustrating because there are two FEW of them. There's just never the right amount of lines, it seems. So, in this first workbook we have created, there is none of that. There's just empty pages, ready to be used however the young writer sees fit after they read through or listen to the inspirations provided.

Whether or not your young writer is working through our workbook, I clearly think a blank page can be a wonderful thing. Give it a try, and if it doesn't work out, if you have a cool little rule-follower who just wants LINES, then that's great, too. And then I say this: Hand a kid a ruler and let them draw their own lines, in their perfect spacing and amount. That is a kind of creativity, too.

Carys Organics: a sweet break in our homeschool day

Anyone who reads this blog knows we are tea drinkers. More specifically, we are tea party throwers and afternoon tea takers. I've found there aren't many quarreling sisters and discouraged little mathematicians whose days can't be brightened a bit by some quiet time with Mama and a warm cup of tea in a fancy china cup. Now, we'll just have to wait and see if this mood lifting method continues to work in our house once this baby boy grows up a bit. I might just have to change the afternoon tea time up a little, but for now, we are all lace and honey and tea parties. SO, I was absolutely delighted when I heard of a tea business started up by a working stay at home mom who lives in my neck of the woods. She blends her own tea, steeps her own candles with local beeswax, AND she just opened up her etsy shop and launched her website. Stay at home mothering combined with creativity and working is usually enough to get my attention, but combine it with tea and candles (I mentioned on a previous post that I have a daughter who focuses better with a scented candle in the schoolroom...), and I'm really listening. I browsed her etsy shop, since I am an etsy lover, and made a mental note to purchase some of her wares at some point, and then went on about my usual routine, UNTIL Deborah of this wonderful tea business, Carys Organics, happened to gift me with a couple of her tea blends to try out, and now that I've tried them, I'm hooked.

So, here's what I want to say to you all about Carys Organics (I'll be as to the point as a wordy girl like me can easily be...):

These teas were beautiful. I mean, they looked like potpourri that I would be totally happy to set out in a Mason Jar in my home for decoration (of course I can't do that seeing that my baby or a kid even would probably just eat the leaves....sigh....).

While I am a tea drinker, I am in no way a tea expert. I don't time how long my tea steeps. I know this is what you should do, and I don't measure it, either. I know this totally takes away my credibility to many, but I have to keep this real. So, when I make tea, I do what I do while cooking: I just do it, and when it is over, I generally don't recall exactly how I did it or what I did. Please accept my humble apologies if you are a serious tea brewer. I know that was probably painful to read. BUT, with that said, the tea smelled rich and tasted wonderful.

The first blend we tried was called Autumn in a Cup, which was spicy and warm and everything I want in a seasonal drink. The kids said the tea was "applesaucey", "and cinnamon-y". We have a family tradition of making lots of applesauce in the fall, and so I was so glad to hear the tea made them think of that. I added local honey to their tea, and they just loved it.It made me think of all the good fall things, including spices and apples. We used it as a homeschooling opportunity, to discuss fall. The tea leaves even look like fall with their rich colors.This is the kind of thing I look for as a homeschooling Mama: creative ways to teach my kids something. We crack a lot of books around here, but seeing things hands on, talking about real things so we can learn more about other real things...now that is one homeschooling perk. Having the freedom to learn about a season over a cup of tea named for that season, well that is just fun. And now my teacher mind is running away with other seasonal activities and ideas for treats...have I mentioned that I love fall?

The second tea I tried was Deborah's chai blend. It was dark, rich, and different from other chai's I have tasted, darker and fuller. I hope that makes sense. It was like other chai teas, but grown up and sophisticated a little more. Chai is my favorite tea, and this blend was spicy, and very, very rich. Perfect for a cool day. When I poured in a cup of steamed milk, it became a serious treat. I'm not sure about the caffeine content here, but since chai generally has a higher caffeine content, I felt no shame in announcing this tea was just for Mama, and since the kids had thoroughly enjoyed their Autumn in a Cup with honey, they didn't mind in the least. Moms want to have their own treats sometimes, right?

When I sat down to write this blog, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say other than "I love homeschooling. I love tea. And I love homeschooling with tea." But now, I think that the main message I'd like to put down here is this: I love being a mother who connects with other mothers who are trying to do the same thing I want to do: Love my children and create something I love while doing that. I'm so glad we spent a morning with Carys Organics tea blends in our little school. My kids finished the tea party by discussing what fall is all about to them, and I really feel like we all got to know each other better. Not one tea cup was chipped in the process, which was pretty cool, since we are often chipping cups and plates and everything else around here. It's so easy for me to get in Crazy Mama mode during our days at home, and to try to work our way through school work and house work quickly, and to fail to enjoy quiet, sweet moments together. I'm so glad we had tea time together this morning. My laundry is piled up to a ridiculous height, but it was well worth it. Goodness knows, there will always, always be laundry around here, but I keep trying to remind myself that there won't always be cute little kids holding on to tea cups with big smiles on their faces.

Sorry if this post was all too warm and fuzzy, BUT it's tea and Autumn and sharing with family. The warm fuzzies have just taken over.




And in the spirit of sharing and encouraging, what are your favorite small, local, or stay at home mom businesses/products? Please do share in a comment!

Taking a time out from stickers.

I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed, and I might regret writing a blog post while annoyed, and I know I might even soften up to this thing that has me annoyed later on, but since I'm a pajama-ed mother in a venting mood tonight, I'm just going to go with this feeling, and write what's on my mind. And here it is: What in the world is with all these rewards and prizes and presents and "if you do what you're supposed to do, then I'll buy you a doll or a pony or give you something to eat that is horrible for you?" What ever happened to simply expecting kids to behave, or at least make a reasonable effort at behaving because they are human beings who need to learn to be good and kind and smart and capable and enjoyable to be around? What about that?

Let me back up here, and say this: I love a good potty training for chocolate chip system. I appreciate a warm batch of cookies baked as a thank you for a child's willingness to be an extra good helper one week, and buying a new puzzle for a kid who finally took the initiative and cleaned up all of her toys on her own for ten days straight makes a lot of sense to me. That said, I think it can be easy to go overboard on the reward system. A new toy for reading extra books here, candy for a clean room, more candy for working hard at sports practice, extra dessert for helping a sibling with school work, stickers for not talking during class, coupons for ice cream for obeying the teacher, snacks in exchange for a few minutes of silence, extra movie watching time if you will just please oh please let mommy talk to daddy for a minutes, a dinner out for learning all of the week's spelling words, and the list goes on and on and on until what we have are some heavily rewarded kids who will do anything for a treat, as long as the treat is shiny or sweet enough. 

Rewards can be great. I mean, if what we are trying to do is raise wonderful little humans who will one day be wonderful old humans, then a reward system can prepare little ones for being rewarded or missing out on perks in the work place and in life in general, BUT rewarding for every little thing is just setting kids up for.....what?....a lifetime of sitting on the bench until some great big incentive is offered up, and then and only then will a person get up off the bench and do something? What happens between all of the prizes? Nothing....just waiting, letting other people live and do and accomplish and pursue and dream and be kind and good and do what needs to be done or what can be done. 

So here's what I'm thinking. I'm going to try my best to refrain from words like "if you do this, then you'll get....", and I'm going to try to say more words like "you need to do this" or "do this please." No more "because", no "if", no "and"....just a requirement followed by an expectation. An expectation because I believe in my kids. I love them, and I think they are fabulous and capable, and though they don't always behave or complete or follow through, I know that they can. And they'll see my expectations, and my hope, and I really do think they will feel loved and honored because of the faith I have in their decision making abilities and in their hearts and in their goodness. And when they don't accomplish what I would like for them to accomplish, then we will keep working at it, and they'll keep feeling loved even if there is some correction waiting on them. When accomplishments are made, then they will be rewarded with smiles and hugs and praise and all the good kinds of feelings that doing good things brings, and sometimes, I may surprise them with a little thank you, a trip to the coffee shop for tea with honey or a new pair of silly socks or an exciting chapter book. But hopefully, those tokens of my appreciation will be a bonus, something to brighten their day, something unexpected, not a payment owed to them. Not something that is theirs to take, rather than someone else' to give. I want good things for my kids. I do. I just don't want all the things in the world for them all the time. I want them to love doing good things, not just love rewards at the end of good things. And maybe a reward system will work its way into our home and school every now and then, but it will be small and seasonal and short lived enough that it will be, hopefully, special and not expected. 

You know, I started out this blog post annoyed, and now I'm hopeful. We can do this, right? I know I won't cut out all of the rewards in their lives, but hopefully when those rewards come, they will appreciate the reward more, and appreciate the hard work they did to get that reward. Just like I'm hoping against hope that they will appreciate the treasures they already have. With a closet full of toys, why of why, would they require more stuff before they decide to do what they should do? More stuff doesn't make a good child. This is basic, this is simple, and I'm betting this is pretty undisputed, so why not live according to this truth. You want to be educated, then read and write and compute. You want to play an instrument, then practice. You want to be a fun person to be around, then be kind and sensitive to the feelings of others. You want a sticker for that?....then the accomplishment just may not be worth enough to you, and that is the thing that needs to be worked on - finding value in hard work, success, and polishing talents. If my kid doesn't want to work on her reading, then I hope I can find ways to show her the value of reading, rather than putting value on something else entirely, like a new doll earned by half-heartedly reading twenty books. That's not fixing the problem, only putting it off, to be dealt with or ignored on another day. I want to fix the problems we come across in our family. I want to, and I hope I can, but if I can't, then there will be consequences of some sort, I'm sure of that, and if I can fix problems that arise, then I pray I'm happy to live in that success, rather than holding out my hand at the end of a long day, hoping someone will put something sugary into it for all of my hard work.

Moms say odd things.

Here's a glimpse into my personal brand of mothering perfection.


I'll keep this one short. It's another one of those crazy, wonderful, busy days, but I'm taking a few minutes with a latte (I know that sounds so cliche....yoga pants mama and her latte and all, but I can't help it...coffee is just better to me with steamed milk and I need the coffee, so here I am with my pretentious beverage) to make a list of things I actually said lately that sounded to me like things no real-life version of me would ever be saying. But I'm a mother to little ones, and with that comes all sorts of weirdness. So, here's a little list of out of my mouth weirdness, things I actually and really did say:

1. Stop riding the dog. (The joys of having a dog that looks like a pony to a preschooler...)

2. I want to hire a sitter so I can  take a break to catch up on laundry or organize the kids' clothes.  (Who other than a mother would pay 12 dollars an hour to do chores?...)

3. I'll give everyone a chocolate chip for each thing they find in this house to give away. (And I was a genius and didn't set any kind of limits on this...chaos....pure chaos around here as everyone brought everything to offer up in exchange for chocolate chips...nothing was sacred or safe...not even our pillows)

4. Tea party for dinner? (This goes along with other personal favorites of "Who wants cranberries for breakfast? Salad for dessert? Smoothies for dinner? Pizza party!-as in: crackers with tomato sauce and cheese on top for lunch today, kids! ". Feeding a family of six gets a little off sometimes...My family is well-fed, so please don't worry, but there are days when meal time comes around and we make randomness work. 

5. You're in the toilet! (Yep.)

6. Please stop eating paper. Just...please. (Please.)

7. If you play outside for a little while, then I'll let you be quiet and read for the rest of the day. (Okay, so I get this one and wouldn't call it strange myself, but I'm thinking it might sound strange to the rest of the world out there....maybe a little backwards?....but that's just the way it is around here...)

8. Will you come get this bug for Mama? (I know, this one is just shameful, but they're braver than I am, and at least I'm honest and humble enough to admit it, right?)

9. Where are your pants?! (Okay, so this one isn't too strange, but it's just the crazy amount of times I say this in a week or even a day that is surprising to me. We had some friends visit once, and they commented that we say this pretty much all day long. What is it with toddlers losing their pants?...)

10. What I really want for my birthday is a steam mop. (Now that's a gift.)

11. Did you just eat a dog treat? (Yes, they're organic, but they are duck, and DOG treats...)

And on tomorrow' agenda: number 12....whatever that may be.

inexpensive, little added clutter, and fun: three things to give a little girl on a rainy day or any day

Once upon a time there were four amazing kids. These kids were blessed with toys and games and puzzles and all sorts of fun things created by fun people and sold by fun stores. Alas, these four amazing kids more often than not, left those shiny toys and games and puzzles on the shelves to play with boxes, their mama's hand me down jewelry, paper and found-in-nature craft supplies, and so many other hundreds of trinkets and baubles and sticks and left over packaging and hand-me-down goodies.

If this sounds like a familiar story, then you're certainly not alone. We (and grandparents and friends and aunts and uncles and almost every else...) spend money and time procuring just the right gift and developmental toys for our kiddos, only to find that the toys are often not played with regularly, aren't taken care of properly, clutter up our homes, or are put aside as kids would usually rather go on an outdoor adventure or come up with something to do on their own inside. Now I still love giving my girls new books and baby dolls and wooden puzzles and family games, BUT I try my best to remember that, sometimes, the best gifts to share with my kids don't come from an expensive toy store.

Here's my top three "gifts" to give my daughters that encourage creativity, don't break the bank, and don't clutter the house as much as more shiny and new and plastic-y toys or gifts might:

1. A box. This is pretty obvious. Think back to childhood. How cool was it to climb inside the cardboard box from the new kitchen appliance and pretend you were in a fort or a castle or even just to hide from your big brother? The possibilities are endless. Plus, boxes are generally free, can be decorated easily, and when the kids are done imagining they are pirates in a cardboard ship, the cardboard can be recycled. Done.

2. Hand-me-down jewelry. When we are in the middle of a rainy day or maybe stuck at home due to an illness, there's not much more exciting to a little girl than getting to go through her mother's jewelry box (with mom's help, of course). And then on extra special days, I might just give away a necklace or bracelet to one or two or three of my daughters. Because really, I can't take it with me, and the look on their little faces when they are trusted with a piece of mama's jewelry is just priceless. This also brings up a great opportunity for sharing memories with kids ("Mommy got this necklace when I was dating Daddy during college...") and for teaching kiddos about responsibility and taking care of things.

3. A magazine subscription. Okay, so this costs money and needs to be ordered. BUT, I have to list this one, because we have had so much fun giving our daughters each a subscription to a children's magazine. They learn to be patient as they wait for the next one to come, and there are so many great magazines out there that teach kids great lessons, provide them with educational activities, and show them about different parts of their world. The prices on these vary, but most are very affordable and surprisingly lower than I would have expected. Also, the clutter is minimal. No huge hunks of plastic in our living room. Just some thin magazines which can be later shared with other kids, cut up for collages, or recycled.

NOTE: I'm guessing boys would enjoy these things, too. Even the jewelry. Boys like pirates, and pirates like treasures, no? And boys also love their Mamas, so why not share a trinket of yours with a son. I just titled this post ..."things to give a little girl..." because my son is still a baby, and I haven't given him anything on a rainy day yet...besides my time and my cuddles.

What do you give your kids on a rainy day?...